Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
