I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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