at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize