dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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