Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
