I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
