If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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