Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
