i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
