sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
