I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
