I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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