WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
