I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
