I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
