The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
