in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
