I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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