life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
