I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My vagina is officially offended.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
