Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
