Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
