WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
