I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
