Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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