I think I am morally bankrupt
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
