I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
