So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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