her vagine was all disorganized.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
