Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
