Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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