I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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