I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
