i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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