dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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