I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
