im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
