I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
