Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize