dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
