I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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