yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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