I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
