The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
