Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
