Pappa wants mamma naked
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
