as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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