Already got asked if we're dating
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
