just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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