they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
