Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my shit smells like andre
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
