I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I intend to get homeless drunk
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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