The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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