Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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