So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize