Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish i was in the wii world.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
