Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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