literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
