Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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