Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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