It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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