Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
