I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
