billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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