She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
