I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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